“I have never seen two people so excited to fly for 16 hours”
This is what the stranger sitting next to me said about us on our flight to Dubai. We were excited, Emirates is one of the top airlines and we were flying the largest commercial plane in the world to Dubai. I was strapping in to watch 8 Oscar nominated movies and maybe fit in a nap or two.
The flight there went well, but the flight back was another story.
Our flight was leaving Dubai at 2am, giving us plenty of time to get through security, buy some souvenirs we didn’t need, and grab some food. You could imagine my excitement finding Shake Shack in the Dubai airport after weeks of Asian and Middle Eastern cuisine (I am American after all).
I order an enormous, juicy cheeseburger (all the toppings please), along with a large caramel shake.. probably costing somewhere around 1 million dollars –I am in Dubai after all. I quickly stop at the shop next door to grab a gigantic sized water before heading to the gate. Having your own water on any flight (especially the lengthy ones) is a must since many of us risk dehydration if we are too nice to continuously bug the flight attendant for another dixie cup of water.
The line ahead of me gets smaller and smaller as each passenger hands in their ticket and proceeds down the hallway to board the plane…. but not me. I am chosen for a random security check (even though I already went through security a half hour ago) that goes something like this:
Security: “Where’d you buy the water?”
Me: “..umm in the airport” Duh.
Security: “You can’t bring this with you” **simultaneously tosses my milkshake in trash**
Security: “You have to eat this before you board the plane” **motions at cheeseburger**
Me: “But.. I’m not hungry right now”
Security: “You can’t bring this on with you”
Me: “I was planning to eat it on the plane” … and to avoid whatever fish you’re going to attempt serving me. Serious sidenote: who trusts fish on a plane?
This continues on for some time, while the line grows behind me.
He’s not budging.
I look back at my friend Lauren, “They’re confiscating my cheeseburger!”
She sprints to the gate “Not mine!”
I look pleadingly at the security agent “Why does everyone else get to keep their food and beverages?”
Security officer (without a soul): “It’s a random security check”
Me (innocent child): “So I seriously have to eat this right now?” **Looking back at the line behind me** **Basically crying**
After all, what could I possibly be hiding in a cheeseburger? I must look a lot smarter than I actually am. Something about the crazy outfit I had put together had them thinking I was some sort of mastermind. When did Shake Shack start spring loading their cheeseburgers with atomic bombs? Does he want to take a look inside the bun? Do I assure him that there’s no razor blades stashed in between?
I sort of feel like saying “if this is what I could do with a cheeseburger, wait until you see what I can hide in a hoagie“. But I realize that this wouldn’t be funny to the Emirates version of Burt from Sesame Street.
I raise the cheeseburger to my mouth in disgust. I’m really not hungry but am not going to let this $630 cheeseburger rot in the garbage. Not to mention, abandoning this cheeseburger now feels like I’m abandoning America.
Thanks Emirates for the 16 hours of dehydration, you owe me a water and a milkshake.
