48 Crazy Hours in Siem Reap: The Truth Behind Happy Pizza, Cambodian Massage & Boozy Mornings at Angkor Wat

 By Michelle Luksh

“The question isn’t what are we going to do. The question is what aren’t we going to do.”

– Ferris Bueller

Siem Reap, the iconic town famously home to the Angkor temples – think Lara Croft; Tomb Raider , is a part of Cambodia riddled with remnants of the savage Khmer Rouge that has since blossomed into an attractive tourist hub for millions of travelers.

I expected spending the short two days I had in Siem Reap immersing myself in temple exploration to the point of exhaustion (kind of like museum fatigue). With a complex as vast as the Angkor Archaeological Park saturated with the Khmer Kingdom’s last remains, this World Heritage Site alone is enough to attract attention.

I knew I’d be in awe of the picturesque temples and historical wreckage, but what I wasn’t expecting was the nighttime escapades making the after-hours in Siem Reap feel like one forgotten chapter of Alice in Wonderland.

After taking a short rest back in our hostel following a wearying day of sightseeing, my travel buddy and I decided to venture into the night. Through word-of-mouth we learned that Cambodia was famed for it’s “Happy Pizza”. It’s basically your run of the mill pizza topped with a little extra specialness in the form of cannabis – pot, weed, marijuana… whatever you want to call it.

I’m pretty sure marijuana is illegal in Cambodia, but it’s one of those things that is hush-hush accepted. I think.

Following a quick once-over of the menu, we were a little confused after realizing that weed wasn’t offered as a topping – at least on paper. But we had already confirmed with the host before being seated that they offered happy pizza. So like an embarrassed child who wants something but is too shy to ask, we giddily ordered one pizza to split and then rocked in our seats waiting in anticipation.

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When our pizza finally arrived still sizzling on a cast iron serving tray, we devoured it in minutes. We were so damn hungry at that point it didn’t matter if there was pot on it or not; we just wanted food. Now for those who are unfamiliar with edibles, they tend to hit you much later than, say, smoking a joint and when they finally do kick in they basically punch you in the face.

Even though we both knew this to be true, it took about all of four seconds to agree upon a second happy pizza, which we too shoveled down with no hesitation.

By the time we paid and walked out, I felt like I had been transported to Mars.

My head and thoughts were floating way, way up. Every muscle in my body tingled or had gone numb. My mouth felt like a dried up dishtowel. And my contacts were glued to my eyes suffocating my vision.

I remember having to focus specifically on putting one foot in front of the other to walk to our next destination because my motor skills had been reduced to that of an infant. Sensory overload took in and it was with great effort to not get side-streamed by the colorful vendors and people whizzing by on bicycles.

We had purposefully yet accidentally gotten ourselves stupid-stoned.

While our intentions were to get a little high, that second pizza really bludgeoned us into full-blown comatose.

We had pre-planned treating ourselves to authentic Cambodian massages immediately after our pizza…

The massages in Southeast Asia have a notorious reputation for being a little risque. They have fewer restrictions on how and where they touch you, and instead of making it a soothing, peaceful environment you tend to be crammed into one large room with just a curtain separating you and the other guests.

Now if you are anything like me – when I have perhaps in the past engaged in smoking pot – I really, really enjoy human touch. You can probably guess what my favorite activity is to do while high, but since I was a tourist in a foreign country with no immediate options right then and there, the massage given by my petite Cambodian was the next best thing.

As she sat on top of me straddling my back and began cracking each vertebrae with her mighty-human strength, I was so incredibly high that I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. I could see myself lying face down on the massage table completely naked except for a hand towel covering my bum as this little lady aggressively dug into my skin moving further down. She never ended up going too far South, but she definitely made me question my sexuality, albeit momentarily.

We departed back into the bustling night and immediately detoured into an ice cream shop. We had a severe case of the munchies and needed food now. My friend who had spent her high school years slaving away at a bakery took the time to break down each confectionery option as if it were a science problem. Like a food-network host she described in colorful detail how I wanted to order something sweet but with a crunch and so on.

For the next forty-five minutes we uncontrollably laughed like stoned idiots while sampling all twenty-eight ice cream flavors before settling on cake and cookies from the aisle next door.

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Our second night in Siem Reap was just as intense but fueled by a different fire.

After polishing ourselves up for dinner with a friend we had met earlier in the day, we dined like civilized tourists and enjoyed authentic Cambodian food. Afterwards, as we were making our way to a local bar, we were stopped suddenly in our tracks by three transvestites dancing to Lady Gaga in the open window of a gay bar.

As the trio of women (err, men?) seductively danced in skimpy booty shorts while occasionally pulling an onlooker on stage for a lap dance, I couldn’t help but envy their hourglass bodies and toned legs. Men jeered from the sidelines and slipped riels into their glittery waistbands before getting thanked with kisses on the lips. More riels equaled more racy dances, gaining more attention from the crowd at the indecencies happening on stage.

We pulled ourselves away and continued on to a local bar called Angkor What? This place is notorious in Siem Reap as being the blackout-destination for people who love to dance and party. We gave into peer pressure and ordered a few rum buckets whose contents included 90% mystery liquor with a splash of cranberry and ice.

We drank like fish, spilled sticky liquor all over others and ourselves as we danced, and made out with strangers before stumbling home hours later.

That night we slept for two hours before the painful sound of our alarm went off. It was the only day we had left to visit the largest temple, Angkor Wat, at sunrise, which is a must-see while in Cambodia.

I would’ve rather been dead at that moment than being forced out of bed at 4 am to go sightsee.

But with some intense motivation from my buddy, a good pull of the trigger, and lots of overdosing on Advil we somehow managed to meet our tuk-tuk driver – who was also still intoxicated from the night before – and make our way to the most iconic temple in all of Siem Reap for an early-viewing.

In the glowing morning haze with dewy bottoms we waited patiently with thousands of strangers on the outlying lawns of Angkor Wat for the sun to rise from behind the temple. Oranges and pinks blossomed into life illuminating the massive silhouetted shrine. It was a humbling sight – both beautiful and spiritual – and lasted for what seemed like hours.

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I would drink like a fish a thousand times over if it meant waking up to witness the panoramic views of Angkor Wat at dawn. Hungover or not, the visuals I saw firsthand from that morning’s scenery are better than any high I’ve ever experienced and has left me craving a return trip to Cambodia. Not just for the spectacular sights, but also to sample more happy pizza because obviously you need to try them all to write a good review.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Michelle quit her job in New York City back in 2013 to get out of her comfort zone and travel the world. She visited four continents and seven countries in the span of a year and has been writing about it ever since.
For all inquiries you can contact her at michelle.luksh@gmail.com.