Ughhhhh god have I put off writing this post. And now that I’m sitting on a 15 row hopper plane to LAX, slightly rubbing knees with the stranger next to me, I finally feel ready. Planes always make me the most productive.
I turn 30 this week. And I feel older this week. My ankle sprain in Big Pine this weekend left me hobbling around the house while packing for Belize. It’s funny how often we relate getting older with physical changes like wrinkles and ailments, when getting older also changes us mentally and emotionally. Getting older can teach us things. We can learn from mistakes and accomplishments, and if we’re lucky we get a little bit wiser in some areas of life. Perhaps this is a trade off for all of the shrinking and saggy skin to come. Here are some things I feel like I’ve realized as I’m getting older.
Success vs. Happiness
When I was younger, I was so motivated to do well in school. I was one of those weird kids whose parents never had to tell them to do their homework. I liked coming home from school, sitting down, and getting everything done. I was very self motivated.
I remember one time my uncle asked me “what do you want to be in 20 years?” My answer was “successful”. My uncle seemed impressed with my answer, but my cousin was quick to chime in “that’s wrong, you want to be happy”.
I think at the time my brain was too immature to understand what she was saying. I had already planned on going to school for Biology, in hopes of being an orthodontist some day, because Orthodontists made a lot of money.
Now, when I look back, I realize that both answers were right. Because happiness and success are one in the same. A successful person isn’t always someone that makes a lot of money, has a prestigious job, and a white picket fence. To cornily quote Bob Dylan, “a man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he wants to do. ”
Success is being happy with your life.
And I’m happy to say that I’m very successful.
On What Other People Think
I know, I know, I know… “you shouldn’t care what other people think” is something that’s been written over and over and over. But how many of us can actually not care? It’s weird, because I can honestly say that blogging has helped me a lot with this one.
I think all of us (and especially women) have trouble with this one. It seems to begin in middle school and high school when you try to act a certain way or dress a certain way in order to avoid getting made fun of. But it carries on to much later in life.
I remember when I first started this blog, my boyfriend at the time wanted to tell everyone about it. I hated it. Even though I wanted to blog, I was so scared to let anyone I knew know about it or read it. I thought they would judge me and my writing. I thought they would talk about me behind my back and make fun of me.
But now, about 6 years later…. I can honestly say that I’m sure some people do read my blog and judge me, and I can honestly say that that doesn’t bother me at all.
Because when you like what you’re doing, you don’t have time to care about what anybody else thinks.
On Relationships
It’s weird how when you mention the word relationships, people only think of the romantic kind. When people ask if you met anyone new, they are referring to your dating life and never your friendships. Most of us wonder through life looking for the perfect romantic partner, but never searching for the perfect group of friends.
Getting older has made me realize how much I cherish the female friendships I have made in my life. Being supported by great friends can make all of the difference in both great and terrible situations. I am so so lucky to have some amazing people to laugh with, cry with, act totally fucking weird with, and to be painstakingly honest with. I am even luckier to have these people to book random trips to Belize with (given 3 days notice).
Now on the other “relationships”
Writing about my personal romantic relationships has gotten me in trouble in the past, so I won’t divulge too much. But I have learned that being honest with yourself about what you want, and being honest with your partner about what you want and how you feel regardless of how stupid you look is one of the most important things you can do.
On Introspection
Speaking of being honest with yourself, that can be a very difficult thing. It’s hard to accept that maybe you’re wrong sometimes, or that you’re jealous sometimes, or that you care too much or too little about something or someone. It’s hard to dive into why you feel a certain way. It’s hard to put your ego aside and admit things to yourself, but learning to do this can be very rewarding. I don’t think I have it all figured out yet, but I think I’m getting a lot better at it.
On Collecting All That Damn Stuff
When I was younger, I saved everything. I feel bad for my parents because I left about 22 years of crap in my closet when I moved out. Old books, old clothes, binders and notebooks full of high school and college studies. Random candles, old jewelry, various trophies and souvenirs that didn’t quite make the cut.
This stuff just builds up, and it’s so easy to forget about it. That is, until you are looking for something that you actually need. Then, it becomes a huge pain in the ass to sift through all of the shit you don’t need to find the one thing that you do. Now, I’m not even close to being a minimalist and my closet still looks like a bomb exploded at times, but I must say it’s getting a lot easier to throw things out. When you move and travel so much, you begin to realize that everything you really need could fit inside a suitcase.
I’m going to read this again when I get home so I can get some more motivation.
On Family
Not a day goes by that I don’t think about how I hit the jackpot being raised by my parents. They are truly two of the most selfless people I know. They somehow gave us everything we needed in life, without spoiling us or making us dependent. Their love and support has always gone a long way. And even if my moms not crazy about me jumping on a million planes per month, or swimming at the top of the largest waterfall in the world, I know she still supports it. And when someone supports and loves you unconditionally, it gives you all of the tools you need to live the life you’ve always dreamed of. Thank you mom and dad. <3
Love it 🙂 happy birthday!!
Thanks Alec!
Made me cry of course. Sorry but I had to share this on my fb
Haha Mom don’t cry! Love you!